


D as in...

by Nad98



Series: Between Black and White [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Agender Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Bigender Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Cat Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Falling In Love, Fluff, Genderfluid Deceit | Janus Sanders, Internalized Transphobia, Kissing, M/M, Swearing, non-sexual nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nad98/pseuds/Nad98
Summary: Two months after Princey almost burning himself in the Imagination, causing all of them to finally get a grip and starting therapy, some semblance of peace had taken over the Mindscape and Virgil was quite content with it. Content enough to spend an afternoon doodling with Roman, only to realize in his bed at night that the doodling part had not been what had made his heart beat faster.(This is part of theBetween Black and White Series. So, if you want more context you can go and check it out^^)
Relationships: Anxiety & Creativity & Dark Creativity & Deceit & Logic & Morality (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: Between Black and White [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810210
Comments: 60
Kudos: 66





	1. Drawing

This sketch was just not coming along as he had imagined. He needed to erase the head again, because there was no use to try and fix those eyes.

With a tiny grunt Virgil then erased the face of his little character and then glanced over to the passageway into the living room. He had found quite the liking for the spot at the table in the aquarium. It was a corner seat; he could see who was coming from the Outdoors or the living room and it was one of the places that for most of the time remained quiet. Just perfect for him.

As he then sharpened his pencil, he listened closely to the voices in the living room. Janus was speaking with Patton. Nothing new. They were discussing about a book Janus had just finished, and Patton seemed to make the better points judging the tone he had as he spoke.

Virgil grinned and made a few guidelines for the face. It was funny how smart Patton sounded when he was around Janus. Not that Patton was stupid, Virgil never had thought that, but now he realized how often Patton had reverted into a sillier version of himself just because he didn’t believe the others would take his earnest takes seriously. And instead of trying to convince them of his knowledge, he didn’t even try or –

Virgil made a face, as the thought rushed through his mind and had to stop and calm himself before he started to draw the first eye. Anyway, he didn’t even try or manipulated the others to start looking into the direction he was thinking of and let them figure it out on their own.

It was strange how long it had taken Virgil to acknowledge and see that side of Patton. But then again, he had not been around the Dad for such a long time as others did and sometimes it was just easier to think of Patton as the innocent, happy one. But now, Virgil could not deny that, Patton had started to present himself in a less pure and white light.

He was still cheery and happy but it was no longer so forced. There were more moments when the others found him a little quieter, a little sadder. He would ask some of them for a hug, mostly Janus, Roman or Virgil himself, or to be left alone. Or sometimes he just asked for the others to stay around for a bit, do their thing but just stay in the same room with him.

Virgil liked that development. He assumed that it was caused through the therapy and the medication they were taking for the last two months. They really had made some progress and it began to show in all of them.

Janus made more stupid jokes and the suave charming façade dropped more often to show his dorky fascination with philosophy, jazz and riddles. Virgil had known about all of it but it was new seeing him discussing such thing with Roman, Pat or Logan. They all also seemed to enjoy it.

Virgil lifted the pencil form the paper and let his eyes drift over the paper. Yes, this time he had gotten the facial features right. Now, onwards to the hair.

Remus and he himself were less tense. Less on the edge. He noticed it when Remus didn’t pick up on every suggestive phrase that was said and when he found himself being okay talking with Joan about some darker themes for the next videos. It honestly was quite refreshing to not feel the need to worry and overthink everything at once.

Swiftly, Virgil erased some strayed lines he had accidentally made and then began to sketch the hoodie and the jeans. A third voice joined into the discussion in the living room. That one was Roman’s. Virgil’s lips curled up in a smile and he listened to the tone of the conversation shift. Patton’s voice grew softer, Janus tended to phrase things more dramatically. They had started to get a hang of how to treat him now.

And well, Roman had gotten a hang on how to treat himself too. It was no longer a catastrophe when Roman spilled a little water when he poured himself some. He dared to show up in a not entirely perfect state, didn’t get angry or defensive so easily when someone pointed out that an idea of his was flawed.

Roman also laughed more. More about little mispronunciations he made, about the one time he toppled over his feet when he ran down from the Outdoors. It felt far less regal and proper when he talked about his ideas and hopes, but more authentic and excited.

In a way Roman felt warmer and with him, the Mindscape felt warmer too. And Virgil could appreciate that quite a bit.

Contently, Virgil coloured in the sweater he had just finished sketching. Yes, he really liked how things were changing for once, he mused and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. Maybe Patton had rubbed off on him a little too much but seeing all of them getting along better made him feel good.

“Is the drawing coming along?”

“Yeah, I’m getting there,” Virgil answered and looked at the jeans he had started colouring next with his pencil.

The texture looked pretty okay, he deemed and wiped away the eraser dust on the paper. He was about to set the pencil back on paper as he suddenly realized that somebody had just caught him in the act.

Carefully he looked up and found Roman standing across the table with an amused grin on his lips. Well, shit.

“I – It’s – uhm,” Virgil stuttered but stopped when Roman lifted his hands dismissively and shook his head.

“No worries,” he said with no mockery in his voice, “I get the gist. You don’t want to show and that is fine. I know how annoying people get when they find out that you can draw. “Can you draw me?” Uhm, no thanks Helen? I’m perfectly fine with my snowdrops. They are a lot less noisy than you, don’t move and ten times as prettier than your shallow excuse of a character.”

A snicker escaped Virgil’s mouth and Roman beamed at him like the sun. But then promptly Roman waved a goodbye making a step towards the Outdoors at the end of the room and Virgil realized that he would soon be gone. He had to come up with something quickly.

Rushed Virgil blurted: “Wait! The thing you do with Remus. The draw thing, I mean-”

He sounded stupid. God, did he sound stupid. Why was he so flustered all of a sudden?

“What thing we do?”

Roman looked at him. Not judgingly, not condescending, just a little confused. Virgil forced himself to clear his head and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes drifted to the side, the aquarium and the fish seemingly catching his focus but not really.

“Uhm,” Virgil began again, voice rushed and hushed, “the thing you did that day you came out of the imagination with – you know. The burns. When you and Remus doodled. You made the drawings move.”

That had been awkward. But at least, Roman now stood still. But he also stared at him with furrowed brows and somehow Virgil didn’t appreciate that look.

“Yes? What would be with that?” Roman asked carefully and turned completely back to Virgil, who wasn’t entirely sure if he really wanted Roman to pay attention to him anymore.

“… Could you … Could you … do that with mine?”

Roman blinked. Adorably, as Virgil’s mind added quickly. Luckily, it didn’t linger to long as Roman started to grin and walked over to him. The warm light from the candleholder above Virgil’s head reflected in Roman’s eyes and made it seem as if his irises had a golden shine to it.

“Certainly! I’d love to!” Roman said enthusiastically. “Would you scoot over a bit?”

Virgil was frozen for a second before he scooted to the side and Roman took a seat next to him. Today Virgil wasn’t so much smaller than Roman. Maybe three or four inches or so. Which also meant he was second tallest of the sides, after Roman and Remus. It was quite usual for the anxious side to change his height quiet often but it was not something he normally would pay much mind to.

But he did now, as his face seemed to be so much closer to Roman’s than it usually was. He could almost feel the warmth radiating from the Prince and Virgil did not know what to do with that sensation at all.

“Can I see the sketch now?”

Virgil blinked.

“I need to see it if you want to make it move,” Roman added quickly.

Hastily, Virgil nodded and put his hand away from the paper of his sketchbook. He hadn’t even realized that he had covered it before. It had been a reflex. A little nervously Virgil eyed Roman as he now looked at his drawing.

It wasn’t perfect, nothing special. Just a full body sketch of a character he often drew.

“Wow, you really have an interesting style! I like it. It’s a little Tim Burton-y!” Roman remarked and sounded quiet genuine with his words.

At least, Virgil liked to think that his tone sounded genuine and he decided that right now that was enough.

“Thanks. I guess. Uhm. So, how can you-” Virgil tried to asked but Roman already put his finger on one side of the character and made a motion as if he was to nudge the little figure a little to the right.

And the character stumbled. He turned and looked at Roman’s finger with a pissed expression and Virgil felt himself gawk. His character was moving! His expression changed and his posture too! It was so cool to see!

“Is that to your liking, oh fairest of them all?” Roman teased him with a grin, but Virgil didn’t hear the teasing in his tone.

“This is so cool!” Virgil exclaimed and bounced a little in his seat, brushing Roman’s thighs doing so. “Dude! Can you – can you make him move more? Is that possible?”

A little overtaken by Virgil’s unusual enthusiasm Roman answered: “You can make him move, if you want. It is your creation after all. You have the power to control it. I just brought it to life.”

Immediately Virgil thought about the little character jumping, and so he did. Fascinated he let his figure dance and jump some more until he asked Roman if he could add some props, or something like that. Rather sooner than later, both began to sketch some things on the page, Roman giving them the ability to move and the let the chaos unfold.

Neither of them realized the passage of time nor Patton take a look inside the aquarium and silently retreating with a big smile as he saw them having fun. They were just too wrapped up in their own little world to realize what was going on next to them and neither could claim he was sad about it. Too wrapped up to realize that they had scooted closer to one another. Too wrapped up to realize that Logan had entered the room and watched them with an incredulous look.

But then they heard him clearing his throat and they looked up from the page. A second later Roman cursed under his breath, was about to stand up but to his surprise, Logan gestured dismissively for him to stay in place.

“I apologize, Logan! I forgot the time! I’ll get my notes and we can have the meeting in five minutes!” Roman tried to excuse himself for stand Logan up for the brainstorm meeting they had arranged for today.

But Logan only grinned and shook his head.

“It is quite all right, Roman,” Logan said to both Roman’s and Virgil’s astonishment. “We have still time left until the deadline is met. We do not need to hurry, so continue whatever you have been doing. You both deserve some leisure time. We will just have our meeting tomorrow at the time we’ve agreed on today. Is that agreeable?”

Roman nodded silently and Logan left the aquarium again. Yes, Virgil mused as he looked to the doorway where teach had just disappeared through, Logan also had changed a over the last two months. He was less stern. Less set in his ways. Less critical with all what the others did and said. He could forgive more. He could forgive himself from rambling and nerding out about topics of his interest. Virgil found that he himself and especially Remus and Janus seemed to enjoy these little tangents a lot.

With that thought Virgil returned again to the drawing and Roman joined just a second later. They actually remained like this until Patton called for dinner and both of them realized how quick the afternoon had gone by.

The rest of the evening was quite uneventful. Virgil retreated back into his room around eleven o’clock and around an hour later he went into bed.

As always thoughts rushed through his head as he tried to fall asleep. Nothing too unusual. Some awkward moments he had caused in past conversations, an embarrassing thing Thomas said when he was fifteen, some my chemical romance lyrics, how Roman smiled like the sun, a few bad choices they made for some video projects, horrible school pictures, and so on.

Slowly, Virgil found himself tire out despite his thoughts and almost fell over into the dream lands as he suddenly noticed the one that was not like the others.

How Roman smiled like the sun?

Virgil sat upright in his bed and pressed his flushed face in his hands. Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. That was not supposed to make his heart beat so fast, was it?

Miserably Virgil let himself drop backwards onto his pillow and buried his face in his blanket, groaning whiney: “It really had to be a stupid Prince Charming, you shitty emo heart, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy! I’m back to this series and finally establishing the first ship of the bunch! Prinxiety! Yay! I hope you’re going to enjoy the journey and be prepared for a lot more fluff and cutsie shit than usual from me. (With exception of the next chapter because there I am talking gender stuff and that might get a little more serious^^) Also, the chapters length will vary much more than usual. There also might be a two parter, depending on how much I’ll go overboard with this^^ But technically, it should be 5 parts and I already have the names for them.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, tell me what you thought and feel free to hit me up on my tumblr [nadiestar](https://nadiestar.tumblr.com/). Anyway, please take care and have a wonderful day ❤️


	2. Dresses I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning for non-sexual nudity from Remus, hinted dissociation, gender dysphoria and internalized transphobia!**

Remus stretched his arms over his head and got up from his pottery station. He looked over to the crooked grandfather clock he had standing at the wall. It was about time for breakfast and he probably should get dressed.

Casually, he pulled his apron over his head and checked how much clay he had managed to spill on his skin despite the cloth. But as he looked down the clay was soon forgotten. With a long-steps he ran in front of his mirror and watched the reflection of his body in the buff.

It was not the body he had looked at for the better part of the last decade. The shoulders were a little slimer, the arms still strong and the hands rather big and calloused, but his fingers were slimer and a little longer in relation to his palms. His taille was a little smaller and his hips wider, almost as wide as his shoulders and he turned to get a side view on himself to get a better view of his backside.

He began to smirk widely and readjusted himself into a pseudo sexy pose just enjoying the difference in his appearance. Playful he touched his breast, liking the nostalgic sensation of their weight back for today and spun around running to his wardrobe.

“Let’s find the most extra bra and throw myself in something pretty, shall we?” he cackled to himself and entered his walk-in wardrobe.

A few bras flew to the floor until he found a dark purple one with black lace, which he decided should be the one. Of course, he then needed to look for the matching pair of undies, it was a special occasion after all and he wanted his look to feel just as special. It took him a moment but he soon found the pair in question and he then went on deciding on which dress to wear next.

After a good fifteen minutes of deliberation and perfecting his make-up to the t, Remus finally left his room and walked straight into the living room. His steps clacked on the floor, the heavy, high boots making his approach unapologetically known. The top part of his dress was perfectly fitted, a nice fun cleavage, long puff sleeves, all decorated with golden and green embroidery of ivy and climbing tendrils on the black fabric, his green sash unmoved hanging from his right shoulder to his left hip. The skirt part, beginning at the taille, was black and flared and just reached his knees, leaving a clear look of his fishnet stockings and his boots. The green underskirt looked out from under it and Remus felt as happy as ever.

Energetically, he entered the room and let his gaze wander over the small gathering looking for Roman. As he did so, he overlooked Logan almost spitting his coffee out and Patton stopping to chew his food as he caught sight of him. Both Virgil and Janus then turned to see what the other two did and simultaneously raised their eyebrows.

“Where’s Ro? She hasn’t come yet?” Remus asked, his voice higher and squeakier than usual and unaware of the surprise of his fellow sides.

Before Patton managed to tell Remus that ‘no, Roman hadn’t come yet’ the Duke snapped his fingers shot the four a wide grin and half twirled around himself while declaring: “She’s probably still putting something together! I’ll go help her!”

And just like that Remus was gone again. After a moment of complete stillness, the four remaining exchanged a look, unable to say a word.

“She?” it then finally broke out of Virgil’s lips.

His question was met with just as clueless shrugs and Virgil looked over his shoulder with a growing knot of concern in his stomach.

* * *

Roman put her colour pencils aside and cast a last look down on her mandala book. She really loved the patterns in it. Then she picked it up and was about to put it into the shelf next to her desk, as her fingertips caught her attention. Her nail beds were longer. She blinked, quickly put the book onto the shelf and scrambled towards the next mirror.

The breath was stuck in her throat. It matched.

Her chin was less prominent, the scar from the fire brushing over it onto her left cheek. Roman let her fingers brush over it and saw her eyes follow her movements in the reflection. It was her. It matched.

As if time was slowing down Roman took a step back and watched her whole body in the mirror. The long, white sleeping t-shirt fell down differently and the hairs on her thighs and calves seemed a little less thick and the form of his legs a little rounder. It matched.

She brought her hands up to her face, covering her nose and mouth and let out a watery snicker. Her voice was noticeably higher and she began to giggle. It matched.

Her body matched with how she felt.

This was who she wanted to be, how she wanted to be in this very moment. How long had it been since she had felt that way? How long since she had a _her_ day and actually looked like it?

She jumped up and down on the spot, squealing and screeching, listening to the heights her voice was able to reach and eventually settled again just staring at her reflection with a big unbelieving grin.

A few tears of joy lost themselves on Roman’s cheeks but she didn’t mind and softly brushed them away. This was outstanding. She felt outstanding and she still could barely believe it.

And as caught up as she was in her joy, she didn’t notice how her door was opened and her twin brother walked up on her. For once Remus didn’t even mean to scare her but oh well. When Roman flinched as he put his hand on her shoulder, he could not but giggle and nudged her a little.

“Back to earth, Princess?” he asked with a soft tease.

Roman rolled her eyes but let herself lean against her brother, who promptly wrapped his arms around her and watched with her their reflection in the mirror.

“I think, I never left...”

Remus snickered and put his chin on her shoulder letting his eyes drift over his sister’s face. For once there was no illusion over the burn scar, nor the tiny crows’ feet next to her eyes. She looked exceptionally happy for once and it was a nice change for once.

“You’re a fucking sap, you know that, right?” Remus grinned and Roman hit him below the ribs with her elbow.

“Let me cherish it for fuck’s sake!” Roman laughed not sounding mad at all. “It’s been so long...”

“True... You look very pretty.”

“Thank you. I think your moustache somehow completes the look.”

Remus raised his eyebrow at the compliment and stepped back. Roman really must feel extraordinarily happy if she complimented his moustache. But then again, he liked it too so he would take it and began to ruffle through her hair.

“Do you even have clothes fitting for your body type right now?” Remus asked next and he watched Roman scrunch her nose.

Remus sighed a little and asked quieter: “Did you throw them out, because you believed you’d never get to use them again?”

“Look, it was just plain painful to look at them any longer!” Roman defended herself and Remus rolled his eyes. “I’ll just throw something together. What I’d usually wear but at form fitting. That’s not that hard to conjure.”

“No, no, no,” Remus simply stopped her and squished her cheeks together with his right hand, “you don’t want that. This is the first in a long time and you’re going to treat yourself with a look right now. We’re going to make you stunning.”

Roman wrestled herself free from Remus’s grip and massaged her cheeks for a second before she let out a sigh and gave in. Immediately Remus started fussing about her and loudly brainstormed about what they could do with her.

Roman let him do that for a few minutes and then intervened, after she had put her underwear on.

“A dress is nice and all, but I’ll go and start with pants. It’s just easier to get around in and how else am I going to show these beautiful legs off?”

“Mini skirt.”

“Remus!”

“Fine. But it’s going to be a skinny fit. Black. Golden seams? Yes, that sounds extra enough. What for the top part? What would you think about a long white jacket? I have an idea for an incorporated caplet which would be _simplement magnifique_. Trust me.”

Roman did not want to trust Remus but this was about fashion. And despite Remus’s eccentrics and sometimes bold choices, he was kind of an icon in the Imagination for his designs and had a whole label going, so she might as well trust him with this.

It didn’t take five minutes until Roman was fully dressed, a beautiful perfectly fitted whit jacket, reaching the middle of her thighs in the back and just covering the crotch area in the fronts. The lapels were embroidered with tiny phoenixes, which Roman had asked Remus to change to no avail. She wore a red ascot tie with a small golden brooch with a red jasper in its middle. On her shoulders were just as of usual her shields emblem, this time only embroidered with golden treat and the red sash sat as usual on her right shoulder.

All in all, she was quite content with the look she provided. Remus was about to start with her make up as she looked down to her boots and gave them cautious look over. No, she could do better than those, she decided snapped and now wore black knee-length leather boots, laced and with riding heels. Taking a quick pose, she smirked, threw Remus a last look, who showed her a thumbs up and then finally sat down at her vanity, where Remus would give her the last touch.

Silently, Roman eyed what Remus was taking out of his little vanity case. There was so much foundation and highlights and Roman suddenly felt a little uneasy.

“What is it Princess? Not fan of the colours?” Remus asked and patted her shoulder while watching her expression in the mirror.

Roman gazed back at her through the reflection and bit her lips. Somehow, she felt childish for what she was about to say.

“I don’t want you to hide my face beyond layers of make-up. It’s been so long… This is my face and I don’t want to put a mask right back over it.”

Remus blinked. She was touching the scar, no shame or sadness emitting for once. She actually wanted to present herself as she was, and not as what she thought the others were most comfortable to see her as. He laughed muffled and winked in the mirror, taking a red lipstick in his hand.

“All right. Just let me highlight your lips and let me throw on a little mascara and eyeliner? Nothing big, just to frame your eyes a little, huh?”

And that Roman let him do. And then the twins got up, Roman taking Remus’s hand and walking into the hallway with big smiles on their faces.

Before they reached the living room, Remus stepped in front of Roman cackled a little and said to her: “Let me announce you! I never got to announce any of us as my model before!”

“Do as you please, we’re already fashionably late for breakfast so this isn’t going to change much anyway,” Roman replied with a grin and watched her brother run inside the living room.

Just like once before this morning all eyes were again on Remus. This time the expressions were a little different. Logan seemed to be rather neutral, Janus clearly less than impressed, Patton a little wary and Virgil looked almost concerned. Had Remus looked a little closer he would have noticed that they hadn’t really started with breakfast but waited for the two of them to join.

“I’ve got the pleasure to show you my newest model! The design she’s wearing is a result of a collaboration between my humble self and the darling model! The design is a little plain but that’s not my fault,” Remus announced as Roman strolled through the doorway shooting him an amused smile.

“I beg your pardon, but my clothes needn’t be extravagant if I’m just so perfectly flamboyant myself,” Roman retorted and directly walked to the table, where she took her seat nonchalantly putting her leg over the other as she sat down.

No five seconds later, Remus had planted himself on his seat between Logan and Janus and grabbed himself a bowl and some cereals. Roman meanwhile reached for a slice of bread and the strawberry jam and smeared herself strawberry jam bread.

Janus watched her puzzledly. She had meant it. The compliment she just made herself. She had meant that. Also, she showed her scar for the first time in a while and he glanced over to Patton, who had trouble to not stare at it and probably feel guilty for not healing it better.

“I do not know why you would say this is plain, Remus, but you did a very good job with the design,” Janus eventually commented still watching Roman, who did not seem to catch onto the slightly confused atmosphere which was hanging in the air.

“Thanks, JayJay!” Remus thanked with his mouth full, almost spitting half of his cereals in Janus’s face.

The deceitful side ignored that, to Remus’s surprise, and said: “And Roman?”

Roman looked up from her bread and waited for Janus to continue speaking.

“So, it is she/her today?”

Roman stiffened visibly. Janus frowned his brows and watched Virgil next to Roman stare at her with wide eyes. She was anxious about this. Highly anxious considering Virgil’s look.

“Roman,” Janus said again for emphasis and felt Remus hand on his upper arm, “I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries or ask anything you are not comfortable sharing with us. I just wanted to make sure that we address you correctly.”

Roman waved dismissively and then shakily folded her hands on the table. Her eyes drifted from Janus to Remus and Janus watched the siblings' exchange a glance before Roman finally spoke up.

“It’s fine! Perfectly fine, sorry for freezing. She/her would be nice,” she said forcing herself to sound as casual as possible.

That effort was for naught. Remus supressed a sigh as Logan next to Roman stared at her unsettled and Janus’s face went blank. And to Roman’s other side Patton’s held his hand over his chest and Virgil-

Virgil pulled at Roman’s sleeve and waited for her to turn and directly look at him. As she did so warily, she saw Virgil’s frown, mouth slightly agape and told her sounding clearly upset: “’Would be nice’? Du- Wait, that’s probably wrong too, isn’t it?”

“You don’t need to police your language for me,” Roman said hesitantly, which only led to Virgil looking more upset than before.

“Ro, does it make you uncomfortable if I call you ‘dude’?”

Roman started fumbling with the hem of her jacket as Virgil asked. Her eyes darted over the fabric and it was clear to see that she was pondering about her next words.

“It is not so bad.”

A moment of silence followed after this miserable attempt of deflection.

“Roman,” it now came from Logan, “please answer Virgil’s question. Say ‘yes’ if it does make you uncomfortable or ‘no’ if it does not.”

“Yes, it does.”

An even longer moment of silence followed after that until Roman added as she glimpsed up to Logan: “But yesterday it didn’t. Yesterday, he/him was fine. It's fine most of the time.”

“While that is good to hear,” Logan relented, “how regularly is it not okay?”

With a wavering breath Roman answered: “At least once a month? More like twice maybe, but it’s fine, it really is! I wouldn’t have started to correct you after all these years of you guys being used to me as a man, no matter what form I have.”

Roman kept looking at Logan, afraid of the reactions the others might have. But even Logan was hard to face as it was, with this clear conflict and worry in his eyes and the upset twitch of his lips. And if Logan was reacting that way, how would the more emotional sides look at her?

She didn’t get to muse at that much longer as Logan at once muttered while turning to face Patton: “So, we’ve been misgendering her for the last two decades at least once a month. Perfect. Just perfect.”

Reflexively Roman turned to see what Patton would respond, only to see him silenced with guilt and Janus staring at him obviously mortified. And as she saw Janus open his mouth, she already heard the question that would follow and felt a spark of anger and courage awake inside her.

“Don’t dare say I should have told you!” Roman prohibited viciously without even raising her voice. “Don’t dare say you would have accepted me, when you had such immense trouble just _admitting_ that _Thomas_ is gay. I’ve had to fight for years until we finally reached the point of you all standing back for a second, so I could help him coming out for the first time! How was I supposed to stand up for myself, when you were so reluctant to accept something you _knew_ was true!”

That shut Janus down quite effectively. And the others as well. Uncertainly, Roman crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked down at her plate. She knew that she had been harsh but she was not going to take the blame for something that was not her fault. Not anymore at least.

“There was no way for her to know better, J. We’ve gotta take responsibility for making her think that this would be exactly the same,” Virgil said at once and put his hand on Roman’s back, while Roman felt her heart flutter.

Confused she looked over to him, who responded with an awkward grin before he looked back to Janus. The snake rubbed his left eye, sighed and intractably nodded to Virgil’s point. This only led to Roman being more confused than before and she searched for some guidance in her brother’s direction. He had been awfully quiet the whole time and only now, that Janus and Virgil had seemingly reached their apparent agreement, seemed to wake from this quietness.

“They’ve known I’m agender Ro. They know that I don’t care about pronouns and stuff and well... Jan?” Remus explained and side-eye Janus a little too careful for Roman’s taste.

Janus flicked his hand and looked at his fingernails for a second. Then he looked over to Roman, lifted his chin a little and said: “Gender is in its essence a lie, a mere social construct. And as you know, I am the master of lies. So ... I early on experienced gender in a rather fluid way, which also showed in my diverse appearances1. I’ve grown comfortable with the he, no matter if I feel more like a woman, like someone under the non-binary umbrella or a man, but Remus as well as Virgil have and from time to time still use alternative pronouns for me.”

By now Patton seemed to have given up, as he held his head in his hands leaning over the table and Logan and Roman just looked baffled at the snake. But before either of them could say anything Virgil piped up and commented hastily: “Yeah, and I’ve used they/them pronouns sometimes despite always being a dude.”

That was not an admission Virgil had liked to make. It had never been easy for him to present himself in a way that might stand out, might draw attention on him. But in here, in the Mindscape, here there had been so much less to hide from. Janus looking like a woman, sometimes being one, sometimes being non-binary, having several genders or none at all, had been just such an absolute truth that he found himself comfortable enough to try it out himself. Some days he found himself looking in the mirror, looking a little more androgynous and that was it. That was him and he didn’t need to hide that from the world.

But to Patton and Logan and Roman he had never admitted that before. None of the other two had either. Remus because he honestly didn’t care and Janus, well because he was Janus. Next to their names, this seemed to be their other secret so it never crossed his mind that “Princey” the “Knight” in Shining Armor could be like them.

And now Virgil looked over to Roman, expecting her to look a betrayed or disappointed by him hiding this but was met with a look of sadness. His heart sunk at once and he couldn’t stop himself from putting his hand on Roman’s shoulder.

“Ro? Hey, uhm, sorry that we didn’t tell you before. I – I didn’t think you could be genderqueer and needed to know you’re the only one of us,” Virgil tried to comfort her.

At that Roman looked up. Her eyes darted over her face and the warmth her back emitted, increased even more.

And then she smiled bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like you could see me.”

She straightened her back and looked down in her lap. Something about her demanded everyone’s attention and they felt their eyes being drawn to her and their mouths remained closed with anticipation.

“I didn’t look like myself. It wasn’t my face even when I was a man, because it felt so foreign when I wasn’t. I couldn’t really look at it for too long or I felt like I’d forget who I am. What I am. And to you that’s not understandable. Because you just look like you feel. Your bodies, your faces match with who you are. And because I need to be connected with Remus in order for us to change our forms, I couldn’t change anymore. My face was never going to match again and I was making peace with that thought. Because, despite all the shapeshifting and make up and masks I can get, it would never truly be me.”

Janus wanted to shout. The _Ego_ had had troubles recognizing herself in the mirror for years. And Roman had suffered in so much silence just because he had been too guarded about his own identity. Because he had let the twins be separated.

Logan didn’t know what to say. The words dysphoria, body dysmorphia, disassociation rang in his head and he wanted to ask her if she suffered of it and if he had contributed to them getting worse. He wanted to learn what would make it better. How he could help Roman fix it.

Patton was sorry. He’d deck anybody who would misgender Thomas’s friends today. But he hadn’t always been that way, never truly vocal about it but inaction could be just as bad as being openly against it. And he knew he had subconsciously enforced a male role on Roman. A handsome, brave prince. What a gentleman would do. And all of that had cut her from other recourses she could have had to find out where she’d fit in.

At once something was lifted from all off them. Roman had looked up and her gaze was looking far away from them but at them at the same time. Her smile was soft and strong and her eyes had a tiny red shimmer in them.

“But now I’m here,” she said ever so softly and met Remus’s eyes who chuckled a little. “Now I’m me again and I just want to cherish that. So, stop making such sad faces and eat your breakfast!”

“As you wish, Princess!” it came from Virgil and Remus at once and the tension broke.

They continued eating slowly, half listening to Logan asking Roman for some specifications, which words she liked most to describe herself when she was woman and maybe if she wanted to wear a particular ring when she used she/her pronouns in case the others weren’t quite sure what to use. Then the teacher went on asking Janus and Remus about their experience of gender or their lack there off.

And Logan’s questioning brought results. He now knew that Janus identified with the label genderfluid and that he could address them by any pronoun as she enjoyed them all equally. And as Janus revealed that Roman chimed in and added that she thought bigender to fit her quite nicely.

All sides unanimously agreed that it absolutely did.

Eventually they had finished breakfast and Remus ushered Roman to come to his room so he could make some more clothes for her, as Janus started bringing the dirty dishes into the kitchen, while Patton cleaned the table and Logan and Virgil went back to their rooms. Roman told Remus she’d follow any second and the Duke left with a pout.

As Remus was gone and Roman was left back alone in the room, Patton approached her. She let him get closer but remained in a guarded stance not sure how she was supposed to react to him. It was not that she was afraid but Patton had been so terribly tense during all of it and she didn’t know how to handle him now.

“I won’t keep you long,” Patton said still somewhat reserved but incredibly soft.

He carefully lifted his hand and as Roman did not flinch he put it on her shoulder and squeezed it ever so gently.

“I can’t believe how much you still amaze me after so many years, Roman. You’ve… You’re breath-taking and you deserve so much love. I said that too little in the past and I’ll start saying it more. I promise.”

The breath stuck in Roman’s throat and Patton pulled her in a hug. Roman melted into it and the Dad felt her warmth radiating through his bones and things falling back into place that had been awry for so long.

“I’m very proud of you my little blossom. You’ve guarded us so much, now let us guard you for as long as you need to come into bloom.”

Patton rubbed soft circles on Roman’s back and held her a moment longer, knowing fully well that this promise had not gone unheard.

It didn’t matter though, since he had put his mind to keep this promise, even if it would be the last thing he would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Okay, this refers to some headcanons I worte down some while ago, which are canon. They are the first piece in this series and if you want to check it out you can click [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24326227)return to text
> 
> * * *
> 
> ...
> 
> This one just wanted me to write it. I don't know what to say.
> 
> Look. Gender is weird. I have a lot of feelings about it and now Roman has them too. I love her, okay? And she's gonna be so goddarn happy. I promise.
> 
> And on another note: Dresses II is mainly going to be the twins gossiping while Remus makes some dresses for Roman. So, it's going to be a little more lighthearted. I hope^^
> 
> Anyway, I hoped you could enjoy it as much as it felt cathartic for me to write it and please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	3. Dresses II

“Arms up,” Remus instructed and Roman lifted her arms with a big eyeroll.

The moment Roman had entered Remus’s room she had been placed on a pedestal and was now meticulously measured by her brother. The whole ordeal was not really necessary, Remus could just conjure clothes to perfectly fit if he wanted to but the trash rat insisted that like this, his work would be even better.

“I really like your proportions. It will make for a really pretty ballgown,” Remus commented and conjured white fabric and sat down at his drawing table with to work on a first sketch.

Meanwhile, Roman sat down on the pedestal in her black undershirt and watched Remus get lost in his element.

“Feeling good being out in the open?” it came after a while from him.

Roman let out airy breath and looked down on her knees. Her knees. It was so strange how much her knees looked and felt like her.

“It feels outstanding. I feel outstanding,” she answered contently and a short period of silence followed.

“Are you mad with me not telling you about the others being genderqueer?”

Remus’s tone was neutral but it did not manage to stop Roman from sensing the tenseness in the air.

“Are you mad at me for saying to Thomas you were everything I didn’t want to be?” Roman replied knowing that she was gambling quite high with this question.

As expected, Remus stopped drawing for a moment and just sat still on his chair. Roman could hear his breathing and started playing with the hair on her thighs.

“A little. But that’s not the same thing.”

Quietly Remus looked over his shoulder eyeing his sister and her slight nod at his comment.

“No, it’s not, you’re right. I’m sorry for saying that. I’m also angry at myself for saying it...”

Remus stood up from his chair and strolled over to Roman. Sloppily, Remus sat himself down next to her and put his arm around her back. Automatically, Roman leaned against him and Remus hummed for a moment calming his twin.

It’s over now, the melody seemed to sing and he felt the warmth of Roman slowly spilling over to him.

“But are you mad at me for not telling you?” Remus asked again quietly.

Roman put her hand on Remus’s leg and squeezed it affectionately.

“We both didn’t talk about the others. It was a deal and you just protected them. I mean... We both know I didn’t like me being different in this way and I might have said hurtful things to them.”

“You never said hurtful things about me being genderqueer.”

The twins stared at each other for a moment, before Roman sighed and scratched her scar. It was not easy having a brother who could listen to your thoughts in specific places if he wanted to. It meant no privacy but also more intimacy than she could ever have with any other side.

“We both know you’re special to me,” Roman eventually settled on and nudged him in the side. “And for the record; I’m not mad at you for not telling me.”

“Okay.”

Roman could have checked if he believed her. But she didn’t need to that as the tone told her enough. For someone, who was so quick to forgive he had a hard time believing that others could forgive him also. But Roman didn’t get to dwell on that too long as Remus prompted to get his design sketches, so she could say if she liked them or not.

“Sure,” Roman said and with a snap the sketches were in Remus’s hand.

Roman gave the drawing a short look over. Then she huffed and shook her head in disbelief.

“You really have to make it this over the top? I mean, I’m extra but this court fashion... it’s just so -”

“Marvellous?”

“Positively overgenerous was what I wanted to go with, but feel welcome to lie to yourself.”

“Hey!” Remus yelped and hit Roman in the side who just laughed at his offended noise.

With a pout Remus pulled the designs back to his chest and said: “You don’t have to be mean! And it’s just the right kind of extra. Especially for court.”

“I apologize,” Roman retorted and put her arm around his shoulders, “I’m joking. It’s good work just a little much for me. But maybe you could make the sleeves straight instead of so overly puffy?”

Remus shot a look at the sketch, closed an eye and squinted with the other eye at it before he summoned his pencil and eraser and erased the sleeves and redid them as Roman had requested. Quick he let her look over it a last time, stood up as she nodded with approval and summoned white fabric as well as already cut out dress patterns. With no hesitation and an undeniable air of practice Remus, laid the fabric out on the suddenly appeared tailoring table and started affix the pattern with pins.

Remus worked quick and Roman just leaned back to watch him for a while. It had always been fascinating seeing him sew. Or crochet. Or knit. Or stich.

The second fabrics got involved Remus worked differently than with paints and clay. There was still the strong and chaotic energy in him but there was more method to his madness and it was the only time, Roman truly believed that there was more method to his madness than madness to his methods.

“What did you and Pattycake talk about? Was he being “fatherly” and stuff?”

Roman sighed. She knew the tone. After all Remus’s stance to Patton was still rather shaky. And well, Roman understood why Remus had his reservations or concerns about Patton being not supportive about Roman having a fluid gender.

“He was indeed,” Roman answered and watched Remus taking the scissors. “And he did good, I think. I mean, I know how hard it is for him to get used to changes and that it must have come as a shock that I am not cis but he tries to be supportive, Ree. And he can be an outstanding ally. Trust me. I’ve known him for being supportive too. And a good shoulder to cry at, if need be.”

“As if you went to him to cry your eyes out, Ms. Pride,” Remus joked with no edge in his voice.

“Maybe not as often as I should. Might have helped the both of us from running into that disaster we ran into with the wedding…”

Remus stopped and turned to look at his sister. The wedding was never a good topic. Not that it still led to heated discussions or moments of anger and hate, but it made Roman unhappy and Remus didn’t like that. Not today, when they had finally gotten closer to being themselves again.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Remus tried to deflect the topic and got Roman to look up at him.

Remus gave her a crooked smile and waved her over. She came and sat down at the edge of the table, while Remus steered their conversation into a new direction: “Virgy seemed to do quite a good job at calming you… Lo told me you’ve been drawing together?”

“Ah, yes!” Roman exclaimed happily and she missed the slightly surprised side-eye from Remus over that. “I found him drawing again and he’s asked me then if I could make his picture move like we did. It was a lot of fun. He’s actually quite talented at drawing. Did you know that? Did you draw with him when you were little?”

Remus chuckled and replied: “A few times, yes. But I guess, he liked it better when he could do it on his own. Less pressure on him like that.”

“That sounds like him,” Roman responded dreamily and looked down on her thighs.

Remus turned to look at her. Romance was the last thing Remus was interested in. It was not something he would dabble with and nothing he desired to experience. Quite unlike his sister, who just wore this look in her eyes that Remus had to assign to feelings that were possibly romantic in nature.

With a sigh Remus resigned to his fate and asked Roman: “So, what’s your relationship with him? Like – This is not my stuff at all but, he seems … at least invested in you. And he let you draw with him, which required him to admit that he was drawing all along and not writing, which was a stupid cover up to begin with, but let’s not talk about that. You know that he’s probably interested in you, right? That he trusts you a lot?”

Roman looked up and Remus could almost feel her face flushing with heat. But even so there was no surprise in her eyes and Remus furrowed his brows in confusion. She sighed and looked to the side, rubbing her right upper arm in contemplation.

“I think he figured it out…”

Remus blinked. He had barely heard Roman’s words and before he could ask for her to repeat them, she said: “I think he’s realized his feelings. I mean; I know he did. After realisation they usually grow more intense and it’s getting stronger each day for him since we were drawing together. And he, he tends to look at me and then suddenly, when he realizes that it has been a moment looks frantically away, right?”

Remus nodded. He had noticed it too. That now posed another question, which Roman apparently tried to avoid.

“So, are you going to do something about it?”

Dramatically, Roman let herself drop backwards onto the table and sighed with as much flair as she could. Remus rolled his eyes and massaged his temples, making peace with the fact that he would not get anything done until he’d cleared this up with her.

“Mind to elaborate? The dramatics are showy but not really that informative,” Remus asked, as he pushed the fabric to the side and sat next to her.

“I just feel so conflicted about all of it!” Roman said in a haste and shot back up, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “We’ve come a long way and all, he is certainly my friend now but… Still… We’ve hurt for such a long time Ree. And Virgil did part of it and I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about it. I – I think I don’t feel like I’m supposed to feel, actually. It’s complicated and – I want him to be happy. I do. And it’s nice knowing he feels happy with me but – I – I don’t know if that’s, you know, if it’s… uhm.”

“If it’s enough?”

Roman nodded and Remus inched a little closer to lay his arm around her.

“Just being with him because it makes him happy, is not enough,” Remus then stated and felt Remus nodding along. “But also, that whole thing with him hurting me and him being mean to the bunch of you – he’s changed. You still don’t need to trust him and like him because of it. You have no obligation to do so, just because he’s different now. You have apologized and worked on the faults whic you made on your part and I’m pretty sure he’s over that now. I think that’s all you really need to do to become “better”. So, that’s all that is done but what do you feel? What is complicated? That you still don’t trust him entirely, despite having forgiven him?”

Roman froze under Remus’s arm and he eyed her suspiciously for a moment, as he watched her open her mouth and close it again with an airy laugh. Almost trembling she drove with her hand over her face and then met her brother’s look helplessly.

“It’s the opposite; I trust Virgil, despite not – not really having forgiven him.”

“What?” Remus asked perplexed as Roman fumbled with her hands and shook her hands with an uncertain giggle.

“I let him come into my room, after the wedding. I let him see me and let him listen to my lie. I trusted him that he wouldn’t sell me out to Pat and – and I let him help me when I felt sick after using my powers. I cannot help myself but trust him. It’s not a choice, not something I saw coming, just something that happened and – I feel bad for not- not being able to let go of this stupid grudge yet! All those things… He didn’t need to do them! He came for me! He helped _me_. And yes, I’ve become better but… How has he managed to forgive me, when I can’t?”

Remus clacked his tongue. Of course, Roman was quick to trust. Quicker than all of them actually. Willing to give her heart away and set herself up for heartbreak. But it was a risk she needed to take. Courage and bravery were risky things and they were part of her role so this was not such a surprise, after all.

“He’s grown and he takes responsibility for his mistakes,” Remus said simply and pulled his arm away from Roman. “And he sees your effort, clearly. But, you know, he might not trust you entirely… That takes a long time with him and Jay and they both have been hurt badly in the past. So, trust issues and shit. But now, what are you going to do? Tell him you know?”

“Dear gods no!” Roman exclaimed and slid down from the table and started to pace around in circles.

Remus shrugged and inquired: “Okay, then what? You just let him make a fool of himself? Let him pine for you?”

“No – I. It’s not that I want to make him suffer! Virgil is dear to me! He’s a great friend despite all of what was and I was so glad I had him with me today. I – I feel more at ease with him around and I want him to be happy. Because he makes me happy and because he helps me and because he is adorable when he’s excited and clingy and hissy when he gets tired and because his smile is beautiful and it makes me love him even more.”

Roman stopped. She turned to look at Remus, whose mouth was open a word obviously stuck in it and she wanted to throw herself into the ocean.

“So… We’re using the L-word now?” Remus asked after a solid minute and Roman sighed dramatically.

“I can’t believe that of all the words you use you censor “love”, but yes, I’m using the L-word because I’m not an idiot and I know the feeling quite well.”

Remus rocked a little back and forth and petted his moustache in thought as Roman took a seat at Remus’s desk and watched him muse over what she had just said.

Then there finally comes a response from the Duke: “So, what exactly is the problem? Why aren’t you making a move? If you’re both into each other then why not just do it?”

“If this wasn’t about Virgil, I’d agree with you, brother dearest. But I don’t want to make mistakes with him. I don’t want to overwhelm him and go too fast for him. And I’m not sure how to initiate that without being too noisy, so I’ll wait until he initiates it… I decided.”

Remus stared at her for a second and then pinched the bridge of his nose with a loud woeful sigh.

“Romance is so fucking stupid. Dear Medusa turn them to stone and salvage them from their suffering!” Remus moaned and heard Roman chuckle amused by his annoyance.

“Stop laughing Princess! You’re the one who suffers!”

Roman waved at him dismissively and leaned back in her chair with the answer: “Don’t worry, it’s fine. It’s not like I plan on doing nothing on the matter. I’ll ask him to hang out and spend time with me and if he brings it up, I’ll lead him into the right direction. It might take some time but we’ll eventually get there. He’s bad at hiding stuff after all, so it will slip out eventually.”

As Roman crossed her legs over another, Remus saw the imagery of Janus sitting on the couch in the lounge, hearing him say -

Eventually one of them will slip and I’ll be brought up, Remus. They are the slaves of honesty, after all.

\- and smiling at him over their next plot. Or the lack thereof, since Janus’s plans were more of manoeuvres he went back to when the opportunity presented itself. He was an opportunist and on many days in the past, Remus had found that Roman could be just the same. Wanted just the same thins and made just the same proposals just in a different tone.

If Remus would tell that to Roman the latter would probably still feel a little offended if Remus would make that comparison.

“Well, don’t cry if your plan doesn’t work, sis. I’m not going to comfort you, if Virgy is too nervous to say anything to you anymore, when he sees you in this stunning dress, I’m working on!” Remus exclaimed and jumped down from the table and turned back to his work.

Roman only laughed and the siblings bickered for the rest of the afternoon, as Remus continued dressmaking and eventually managed to make two dresses and three skirts for Roman. His sister didn’t like to admit it but Remus was certain that each one of them were more special to her than her regular prince outfit could ever be.

When the siblings later that day went to dinner, Roman felt her heart flutter as she noticed Virgil doing a double take, as she now wore white off-shoulder blouse with loose sleeves and a red tulips skirt with golden seems. She smiled widely as Janus complimented the look and then Remus for the work, which led to Logan poising some questions about Remus’s sewing.

Contently Roman listened to Remus babble and Logan asking questions, as they ate and felt a sense of stability settle in her stomach. She watched how Janus sometimes reminded the both of them what topic they had started with and then went back to his own food, while Patton simply marvelled at the atmosphere and told her and Virgil to eat and ask for seconds if they wanted to. Virgil replied sounding barely annoyed and then shot a look to Roman.

They giggled and Roman nudged him into the side, as she had almost let her fork drop. With a smile she then continued eating and was certain; Somehow, they’d find their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Janus's lines are orange because it's easier on the eyes than yellow^^
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and all the support you give❤️
> 
> Also here's some fanart I made for Remus's and Roman's dresses in the last chapter. Have fun with it:
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Here you can go and see it on my [Tumblr](https://nadiestar.tumblr.com/post/627984404743143424/outfits-for-bigender-roman-and-agender-remus-in-my). Feel free to reblog it if you like🤗
> 
> Now please, take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	4. A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Roman was a woman for a few days after the coming out. The third day after it he and Remus changed back in more masculine bodies and Roman confirmed that he was a man again. But his and Remus’s face were a little different now. Not quite drastically different from what they used to be but their facial features changed a little from day to day, the hair texture was curlier on one day than it was at another, and their heights and physiques varied a bit as well.

It took the others by surprise at first. The constant changes unsettled them a little, afraid that it might be a sign of unstableness, until Virgil pointed out that both of them used to jump from form to form on a daily basis when they were teens and that nobody had been bothered by it back then. After a little more deliberation behind the twins’ backs, the four settled on letting it slide and Virgil was happy enough with the result.

He didn’t want Roman or Remus having a bad time just because their appearance had started to change after a good decade of standstill, while he himself, as well as Janus changed on a rather regular basis even if not so extremely as the twins used to. And they looked so happy with it. Remus marvelled about every change and he started to wear dresses, crop tops, shorts no matter which form he had and Virgil had to admit that it suited the Duke quite well. The chaos fit him and truly seemed to make him content.

And Roman looked simply stunning. He had started wearing new jackets, different cuts for his pants, more formfitting with beautifully embroidered patterns and other little knickknacks, which made it hard for Virgil to keep his eyes away from Roman. His newly discovered crush only grew since this coming out and Virgil started to get desperate about what he was to do next.

It didn’t help either that the Prince apparently had made it his mission to get them into more one on one situations, which made it even harder for him to hide his crush. For heaven's sake, he didn’t even know if he was hiding anymore. Remus certainly had caught on judging by the looks he shot him, and Janus and Patton must assume something considering the glances they sometimes exchanged when he stumbled over his words when he was close to Roman. Maybe Logan was still in the dark but otherwise, Virgil was pretty certain that everybody had caught on.

Possibly, even Roman, which Virgil slowly started to suspect as well. Why else would he try to get in more and more one on one situations with him if not to force Virgil to confess his feelings? Why else he would have asked him three days ago to help him change up the furniture they had under their lime in the outdoors? Or why else would he have asked Virgil to read his script with him the other day?

Certainly not because he wanted to spend more time with him on his own or because he thought that Virgil’s creative input was of value.

No, Virgil was pretty certain it was a scheme to get him to confess his feelings.

But at least tonight Roman and he wouldn’t be alone together, as it was the sides’ movie night, and no that thought did not make him a little sad at all, thank you very much. At least that was the plan until dinner came along and Janus cleared his throat and got the others’ attention.

“It has been a taxing week; we had a lot of creative work done thanks to Roman. So, he definitely deserves a break, right Virgil?” the snake asked and looked over to Virgil with an expectant look.

“Yeah? I mean sure? Why would he not deserve a break?” Virgil said and felt the anxiety slowly enter his system.

The look in Janus’s eyes was far too pleased and Virgil wanted to add something to his answer but didn’t know what. And he realized quickly that it was already too late as the snake spoke up again and put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.

“Very well then! I’ll have you make sure that he does have a great time since I and Remus are occupied with other activities this evening and _sadly_ cannot attend the movie night,” Janus explained and Remus frowned in confusion at his statement.

Yet before either Virgil or Remus could protest, Patton interfered and said while putting their empty plates on another: “I had thought about decluttering my photo albums. Maybe you could help me with it, Logan? You are so much better with organizing stuff than I am.”

“I will gladly help you with clearing out the albums but is there a particular reason why you want to this today?” Logan asked uncertain what exactly was happening right now.

Patton looked over to him and then to Roman with a gentle look and explained: “I just felt like doing it and well, I thought you might enjoy sometime with us off your case. And you unwind so well with Virgil these days, so there is that… But I’ll gladly join you if you want me to! And you’re free to do what you want as well, Logan. You don’t need to help me if you would rather watch a movie.”

Roman threw a questioning look from Patton to Janus why Logan still looked somewhat confused but replied: “I don’t care that much about movie night. It is a fine distraction and bonding activity but there are many other nights to come. Therefore, I figuratively don’t see any harm done by missing one night out.”

Patton smiled widely at Logan and got up from his chair to gather the rest of the plates and cutlery on the table. Virgil gaped at him and noticed how he exchanged a look with a far to satisfied looking Janus, before he passed behind him and Roman and put his hand on the Prince’s shoulder.

“Would that be okay with you then? Have a movie night only with Virgil?” Patton asked and Virgil wanted to speak up and protest.

But alas, before he could Roman shrugged and said: “It is fine with me. I like spending time with Virgil but I wouldn’t mind having you all around as well.”

As he spoke his glance drifted from Patton to Virgil and a small smile appeared on his lips. Instinctively, Virgil smiled back and almost forgot how frustrated he felt with Patton and Janus, until the former giggled a little and ruffled through his hair on his way back to the kitchen.

“Then it’s settled! You two have a fun night and Logan, I’ll get you when I’ve finished doing the chores in the kitchen,” Patton exclaimed and was gone to do the dishes.

And as Patton went, Janus stood up as well, grappling Remus right as the Duke wanted to ask what exactly this was about. With the softest tone Janus said pulling Remus behind him: “Very well then. We’ll have to set up the lounge for our activities. Have fun!”

As Janus walked away and had pulled himself and Remus into the hallway the three remaining sides heard Remus ask from far away: “You haven’t told me of anything you’d want to do, J? What the fuck is this about?”

Roman sighed and Logan just made a confused face, while Virgil buried his head in his hands. The fates had conspired against him and their names were Morality and Deceit. Powers far too mighty to win against.

* * *

About an hour later Virgil sat on the couch with Roman fighting about which movie they should watch. At least that hadn’t changed; They still bickered about which Disney movie was the best and why that was so.

After five more minutes of fighting Roman eventually gave in and proposed to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. To that Virgil had no complains and the Prince threw the movie in.

Virgil sat in the corner of the couch while Roman sat in front of it, widely gesticulating and commenting at some scenes as he always did. During the songs he sang with the characters and even roped Virgil into humming along, maybe even quietly singing some parts with him. Virgil was sure he couldn’t hear that but he felt flustered nevertheless and the second half of the movie began he started to get a little restless.

Somehow, Virgil became more fidgety and was looking for the blanket Patton had always laying around in case somebody got cold. Apparently, his movements caught Roman’s interest and suddenly the Prince had turned around and watched Virgil curiously. Virgil stopped rummaging and crossed his arms over his chest, to which Roman only raised his eyebrows and stood up to sit on the edge of the couch.

“What is it, Jack Scare-ington?” Roman asked and Virgil sunk further into himself.

He mumbled a response, which Roman didn’t understand and inquired again: “What was that?”

“’m cold,” Virgil huffed and looked to the side.

He was ready to hear the mocking giggle from Roman, but instead felt how the blanket he had had been looking for was thrown in his lap. Confused Virgil turned to look over to him and saw how Roman had slid back on the couch and was now sitting next to him. He was looking at the screen as if nothing had happened, had there not been this treacherous little grin on his lips.

Quietly, Virgil wrapped himself into the blanket and continued watching the movie. Yet the effort to keep himself concentrated on the screen grew more and more as he noticed how he got a little warmer. Also, his eyes kept glimpsing over to Roman who somehow seemed to be absolutely comfortable in his t-shirt and shorts, despite it being a little chilly.

Or was it? Virgil pulled the blanket down from his chest and looked over to Roman with confusion on his mind.

“It’s almost sad how the Dads are trying to set us up, while they can’t bring themselves to sit together and have a little talk themselves.”

Virgil felt himself choke. Roman turned to look at him with an awkward grin, fumbling with his hands.

“Am I right?” Roman added with an airy laugh.

Somehow, the tone made Virgil ease up a little and he laughed a little awkwardly as well.

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed and shifted a little towards Roman whose smile immediately got brighter, “they’d rather get their shit together instead of trying to mess with our stuff. Like, neither of them is really good at it, right?”

“Yass, they’re both terrible at doing this! Which is a joke in itself.”

“Exactly! For someone with a “silver tongue” J’s dogshit at sweet talking Pat. Also, that excuse before was terrible.”

Roman laughed and put his left arm on the back rest.

“You are so right! And Patton isn’t doing any better. He is the heart and doesn’t manage to tell our incapable deceiver how he feels! It’s almost sad.”

Both giggled a little and Virgil leaned back against the couch. He then noticed how his head was touching Roman’s arm and how much closer they now were. Almost he pulled back in reflex, as he noticed how Roman watched the screen again, shoulders relaxed and face so soft.

They weren’t flirting. Not truly. This was close. Intimate and warm. And Virgil was safe. Safe to do or not do what he wanted. There was no rush, no pressure.

Just Roman, who was warm and soft and sat next to him, with a smile on his lips. And Virgil remained sitting close next to him looking to the screen and letting the story get to its end, while neither spoke but slowly but surely inched closer to the other.

The credits rolled over the screen and Virgil knew exactly which movie Roman would propose next.

“What about Cinderella?”

Virgil rolled his eyes but the smile on his lips betrayed him. With a mock annoyed huff, he told Roman: “Sure, if you really want to.”

“I’ll put the live action version from 2015 in then!” Roman said excited and jumped to his feet and put the Blu-ray in the player.

He then sat back next to Virgil and the movie started playing. He grew more tired with the minute and let himself lean against Roman, who did little but react. He felt how the Prince’s arm was put around him and felt quite content with that. The movie did not really interest him. Roman’s face, the glee and softness in it, though, they had him quite enraptured.

At some point he had placed his head on Roman’s shoulder and looked mindlessly at the screen, watching how this far too kind woman got abused and taken advantage of by this horrible stepmother and stepsisters.

On other days Virgil might have started to point out that that depiction of stepparents and stepsiblings was kinda harmful and dirty propaganda for “blood” family, which wasn’t a bad thing in it self but there were too many people who were hated by their own “blood” and found a lot better care in foster homes. But right now, Virgil did not care. He was warm. Because Roman was warm and comfy and he was allowed to huddle against his side and just be.

Virgil almost felt his eyes fall shut as Roman flinched a little and Virgil sensed his eyes on him. He yawned and then sat up a bit to look at Roman’s face. And as he blinked his eyes more awake, he saw the surprise and the little flush on Roman’s face, as the Prince stared at him.

With a frown Virgil scratched his nose and asked sloppily: “What is it, lover boy?”

Roman continued to stare at him, his face getting hotter and hotter as he pressed his lips together and watched Virgil in silence.

Well, in relative silence.

“You – you’re purring?”

Virgil blinked. And then he heard the noise coming out of his throat, which immediately stopped as soon as he realized it. He inched back from Roman, not entirely away but stared at him, knowing fully well that his face was probably beet red and was at once very aware of where his hands were, how quick he was breathing and how alive he was. Which was not helping to get himself more focused again.

“You purr sometimes then?”

Virgil gulped and let the question sink in. Now, it was somehow too late to defend himself and get out of the situation, so he might as well just clear it up.

“Uhm, so,” Virgil babbled, fidgeting with his fingers and staring at them, “yeah? Uh, you – uhm, you know how Emu can turn into an octopus? Or Pat into a frog?”

Roman nodded slowly and adjusted himself to face Virgil more properly.

“Like, we can all shapeshift into anything we want. Any animal and stuff, but some are just more natural to us? And I … I – If I want to turn in an animal and don’t focus, I’ll always end up as a cat. It’s like – like my thing, I guess?”

Roman continued staring at him for a few seconds before he gave a slow nod and gulped. Uncertain he commented: “I can get behind that. I – so, it also explains the hissing you do sometimes. That’s just… the cat getting through, I blatantly assume?”

“Not, not really,” Virgil said with a breathy laugh and cast his head a little more down, “it’s more of a thing I and Janus had going on? The whole hiss thing? I don’t know. It’s weird I never really got behind it. Cat behaviour normally, does not just slip into my usual behaviour.”

Virgil pressed his lips together and he pressed his chin close to the chest, hoping he could just disappear inside of himself.

“But… You were purring before…?”

Shyly Virgil glanced up to Roman. Into this stupid brown eye, which reflected the blue light of the TV and made him forget to overthink and worry for some minutes.

“That – that can happen, if I want it to happen or, uhm, if I’m tired and really, uhm, _really_ comfortable.”

Roman blinked slowly and Virgil watched him visibly flush before he stuttered: “L-like a – a , ah, a _sexy_ kind of comfortable?

“What?! No, just comfy! A normal, very unsexy comfortable. Very, very unsexy!” Virgil retorted stressed and saw a short wave of relief wash over Roman’s face before the Prince buried his face in his hands in shame.

Virgil let him remain in the pose for a moment, a little unsure of what to do next. He realized that they had barley moved away from each other. Roman was radiating heat, literally and once again Virgil felt the urge to ask why that was that way.

He didn’t get to ask as Roman said: “I apologize. That was awkward.”

Sheepishly Roman looked up again and Virgil shrugged with a goofy grin. Lazily, he leaned back against Roman’s frame, gently, with no force behind it.

“Thank god. Finally, I’m not the sole provider of awkward moments in here,” Virgil joked and saw Roman’s face light up and soften instantly.

And somehow, they slide back into a comfortable silence as the movie continued playing. The ball scene arrived and Virgil made an effort to watch Roman’s expression melt and his eyes glow with compassion and admiration. It was a little overwhelming how much Roman seemed to love this whole scene.

So, Virgil focused on the movie for a bit. Focused on the interactions between Cinderella and Prince Kit, seeing them gaze at each other, longing and interest in their gestures and words.

Maybe Virgil should ask a question after all.

“Can I ask you something now? About the movie?”

Roman pulled his eyes away from to screen and looked down to Virgil leaning against his shoulder, curiously looking up to him.

“Yes, of course,” Roman said.

“Why is it that whenever your first movie choice gets ignored you asked for Cinderella next? What about it makes you want to re-watch it constantly?”

A smile stole itself on Roman’s lips and his eyes drifted back to the screen as Ella got back home hiding her heel in the floor boards.

“I admire her hope.”

Suddenly, Virgil felt his breath being taken away.

“I admire her endurance and perseverance despite being treated horribly and unjustly. She choses hope and kindness and courage. I understand she is a victim; she has no means to escape her situation and maybe, probably, the writing team could have shown it better, executed it better, but I like to think she knew that too. She knew life was not kind and not pretty and that her father didn’t act smart and that her stepmother used him and her, because she was bitter and disappointed, and maybe also not perfectly written but I like the slight hint of humanity they give her in this version. I wish they had expanded on it more.

“But anyway, Ella is just so, so incredibly strong. So good. Her kindness and empathy are her strength and weakness and I like how she choses it over and over again. She hasn’t given up yet. Even when they lose the house, even when her dreams are taken away from her again, she choses to relish in the memory. To keep fighting, persisting in her very own way.

“Through her dreams and fantasy and her hope. If she hadn’t ended up with the Prince, if she had had to live a life under the strict hands of her stepmother, to me she would still be a great heroine, just for doing that.”

Virgil let those words sink in. Roman didn’t ask what he thought about it and Virgil was not going to answer on his own. He just mused over Roman’s view on strength, hope, courage and what role kindness seemed to play a role in it.

And as he mused, he nuzzled closer to Roman, who somewhere along the line placed his head atop of his and they remained like this for the time being. Virgil felt himself purring again, Roman’s hand lightly scratching over his back and even when the credits came the sat there a little longer.

It didn’t feel like an end. Neither did it feel like a beginning.

Neither knew what was there and as Virgil yawned again and stood up, they both didn’t want to say good night.

And yet, good night they said.

Virgil walked down the hallway, unsure of what to do and say next, just knowing he would have to do something. Because there was something between them, and while Virgil didn’t dare to think that it was a requited crush, he couldn’t help but hope that it could be.

And maybe. Only maybe. He needed to be the brave one here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me far longer than I thought it would...
> 
> Anyway, here you go with Virgil and Roman watching Cinderella and Cat Virgil. Because I like cat Virgil and want him in my world. (I also love spider Virgil, I like spiders actually quite a bit, but I felt the need to write a purring Virgil and I like to think he has a little bit of a cat personality. So let me have that.)
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading and your support and please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	5. Divan

It was around half past eleven PM when Roman barged into Remus’s room and for once was the one to give the Duke almost a heart attack.

Stressed Remus twirled around in his chair and stared at his brother, who ran inside and let himself drop onto Remus’s couch, a loud woeful sigh accompanying his actions. Remus furrowed his brows and stood up to get closer to him.

Confused he stood still for a minute, while Roman moaned in theatrical agony into one of the pillows. As that went on for another minute, Remus began to get bored and sat down onto his coffee table, waiting for Roman to get a grip and just tell him what posed such a dramatic performance.

When Roman remained speechless but for his wailing noises for yet another minute Remus had enough and finally asked: “What is this about?”

With a jolt Roman stood again, paced in circles, hands pressed to sides of his face and whined: “You didn’t tell me that he _purrs_!”

Remus stared at Roman as if he had lost his mind. Actually, Remus was rather certain that Roman had in fact lost his mind.

“What is this about?” Remus tried again and watched how Roman shook his hands to the air.

“You didn’t tell me that Virgil _purrs_!”

That made it click.

“Wait. What?”

“Purring! P – U – R – R- I – N- G! Purring!!”

Remus waved him off and shook his head as he dramatically flailed around and dropped back down to the couch.

“I know what purring is, you dipshit,” Remus countered and continued before Roman could interrupt him for the name calling. “I – Did he purr in front of you?”

“Yes! And it was so aa-aadorable!” Roman whined and hid his face in his hands.

Remus blinked unimpressed and raised his eyebrows. Well, now that was an interesting development, despite his brother being such an annoying little brat.

“Are you done now? Can we talk like grown-ups?” Remus asked with another eyeroll.

Roman made an offended noise but before he could start to complain, Remus cut him off and simply stated: “You might just have reached a new level of trust with him.”

Roman froze on the spot. A new level of trust?

“It’s not easy to get his guard down so much that he’ll purr around you. It happened a few times when we were little, and J read to us but it hasn’t happened involuntarily since we were thirteen, or so,” Remus explained further and Roman felt his heart drop.

Oh no.

He pressed his hands over his mouth and Remus looked at him with a slight tint of panic. His eyes were wet. His lips trembled. His shoulders were shaking. It looked like Roman would start to cry and Remus was not sure why.

“What is happening? Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”

A breathless laugh slipped over Roman’s lips and he said revealing a unbelieving grin under his hands: “He might be ready to love me. He might be – be ready to be – to be with me-e-e!”

Roman’s words slurred under a wave of tears and Remus sighed and sat down next to him. With joy crying accompanied with a slight hint of overwhelming he could deal. For a few minutes he held his sappy brother before he asked him, if they wanted to draw for a while.

Roman agreed and for the rest of the night the twins refuelled by doodling quietly with one another.

* * *

Virgil lay awake in his bed. He stared at the darkness around him.

They had been meant to be enemies. They had been meant to sabotage and fight against another.

A stubborn, reckless ego against an overly anxious flight and fight instinct.

But they never truly became enemies, did they? They might have fought about what Thomas should do but it was always clear that Roman knew best what Thomas wanted. Virgil had never doubted that. He had found his ideas idealistic, naïve and sometimes even stupid, but he never doubted Roman’s sincerity when he spoke about Thomas’s wishes.

This was why to Virgil Roman never truly became an enemy. But now, after so many years and fights Virgil found himself realizing that to Roman, he had been an enemy. That for Roman he had been more than an inconvenience or a thorn in his side, but an unclimbable wall. An obstacle he could not overcome nor outrun.

Anxiety could shut Logic up and Morality shiver. But not Creativity. Not the Ego. In the worst cases Roman was left to fight alone against him, the only one left to move but unable to actually do anything.

Because Virgil used worst case scenarios, nightmares, terrible ideas against him. He used the imagination against Creativity.

Roman was helpless and beaten by his own means, while Virgil had called him stupid and weak. Anybody would be angry at Virgil because of that. Anybody would not want to associate with him after something like this.

But Roman did. Probably, because he had to, the Mindscape might be big but, in the end, there was no avoiding the other. Not forever at least. Yet by now Virgil had the hunch, maybe he would go so far and call it knowledge, that Roman saw something in him. That despite the harm Virgil had caused, he saw the potential good in him. That he wanted to believe in that good more than into his black and white world view.

A black and white world view Roman maybe never really had. At least, not as black and white as Virgil used to believe. No, there was more empathy, more hope and determination for betterment in him, than Virgil was able to see in the beginning.

These thoughts occupied Virgil’s mind but they weren’t mean or angry with him. They just stated and analysed and existed within him, trying to figure out what Roman and he were. For the first time ever, Virgil found his late night thoughts not disturbing but actually helpful and after an hour or two, Virgil go up from bed.

Driven by his mind Virgil searched for a notepad and started to write down the thoughts he had. After a solid hour of writing he looked through them and started reordering them, linking them together and understanding how all of it worked together.

It was not a clear result he got. Not that he had expected it. He was anxiety after all, not logic. There was the facet of worry and fear, he could never come to a completely logical conclusion. Emotions always played a part of it and his emotions towards Roman were big and anything but shallow or easily explained.

Roman made them all hope and dream. Roman had helped him grow and took him seriously. Not like Patton and Logan, who had been coddling him and patiently waiting for him to understand him better. He saw the danger in him, and while his words had not always been helpful and sometimes even cruel, Virgil had needed somebody to call him out for his mistakes. Violently and honestly call him out.

Roman was a friend. A good friend. He had been so surprised when Virgil had helped him to get out of his room.

When he had saved him.

So unbelieving and grateful his look at had been.

Like...

Cinderella’s.

Cinderella who had been a victim of people who had used and abused her. Cinderella who was known for being naïve and idealistic. Cinderella whose father wanted best for her but hurt her in the process by choosing to do something he did not want to do.

Virgil sat still for a couple of minutes just staring at the wall.

Roman had told him something so intimate, so personal and he had not understood. He had not seen behind it. Of course, he hadn’t. He had hidden it within his words, masqueraded himself in art in which he found himself.

Roman saw himself in the position of a victim, who had to idly stand by and let life happen to him. Playing a role, which was called spineless, a doormat. A character who had to be rescued to find freedom and a better life.

Of course, that was simplified and Virgil understood that Roman did know that as well. After all, he was smart and adaptive. He did fight back, even though it wasn’t always warranted and effective. And he also had tried to right the wrongs he did as he fought unsolicited and hurt the others. Hurt him.

Virgil sighed and drove his hand through his hair. This was so complicated and twisted. There was so much to think about and it got so complex so quickly. How could he figure this out?

“Okay, Virge, you’re overthinking this,” Virgil told himself and started walking in circles as he began this conversation with himself. “Take a step back. Where do I make this complicated? Where is the mistake I make while thinking…

“Thinking…

“Maybe I should not focus on thinking. Maybe focus on feeling. And I care for him and feel strongly for him. It’s strange and I don’t know what to do with it but it is there. This is why I’m musing about our relationship. Why I analyse if I am good for him. If he is good for me…

“And I’m asking those questions because…”

He wanted himself and Roman to feel good. To feel better, to be better than before. He did not want to remain in the past but to build a future.

The alarm on his handy rang and he realized it was seven o’clock am. He blinked and at once felt like he needed to do something. He needed to fight for Roman. For a future. For something he didn’t know would work but, by the Mindscape, he wanted to risk it nevertheless.

Quick he left the room, knowing the others weren’t up yet and hoped he could get to Roman before breakfast was ready. Silently, he walked to the door and knocked. For a moment he waited only for then knock once more, afraid that if the door wouldn’t open soon, he’d lose his suddenly found determination and would back out from his plan.

As he was about to know a third time, the door was opened and he saw Roman appear behind the door. His brown hair was messy and he still wore the cream shirt with the red top part and the red shorts. His face looked a little different than in the evening. The skin tone was darker and his facial features a little softer. The had a few moles all over him and had painted his finger and toe nails with red nail polish.

Only now, it crossed Virgil’s mind that he himself hadn’t changed, still wearing his grey shirt with the purple plaid patches, long dark grey sweatpants with the bats and his rainbow pride socks. Immediately, he felt himself fluster and he was about to just leave as he caught Roman’s look and –

It was just so hopeful.

He could not possibly leave. Not now.

And so, he looked behind Roman into the room and asked sheepishly: “You’ve got a sec for me?”

Roman nodded and stepped aside, so Virgil could enter. So, Virgil entered and Roman closed the door behind him.

Virgil looked around. The room felt different. More alive. He saw the nail polish sitting on the coffee table, a script and cup of something laying next to it and a tablet with headphones plugged in laying on the divan.

Now, there was actually proof that someone lived in this room, Virgil realized the uncanny difference from before and glanced up to Roman, who eyed him with a frown.

“Are you okay?” Roman asked.

Virgil had been looking around in silence too long. He cleared his throat and vaguely pointed towards the divan: “It just – It looks different from the last time. Like, it looks like you actually live in here. Which is cool. Good for you ‘n stuff.”

Roman stared at him for a second and looked a little stressed to the stuff on the coffee table.

“Ro, it’s okay. It doesn’t need to be tidy and perfect. I like it a little messy.”

Roman grinned and scratched the scar on his chin.

“Old habits die hard. I’ve had it tidy and perfect for so long that it’s hard to let you all see it like this… Want to take a seat?”

Virgil agreed and they went to the divan and sat down. For a moment Virgil thought about what to say and how to say it. Of course, his mind had to play tricks on him now. How else could it be?

“So, last night left you thinking as well?”

Virgil looked over to Roman, who had a lopsided smile plastered over his lips and scratched his collarbone. A bit put off Virgil stared at him, the words not quite reaching his brain.

“I mean, it left me thinking and – since you are here, I assumed you were thinking too and-” Roman said stumbling over his words and nervously looking at Virgil. “I just. Look, I know when someone of us has romantic feelings for the others and. I know how I feel about you. So, just that it has been said.”

Virgil went pale and then flushed heavily.

How he had not considered that possibility of all the things he had been worried about, was beyond him. But well, that meant he did not have to confess it right away. Roman knew no matter what so he could focus on other things first.

With a gulp Virgil nodded, pushed his fingers into the divan cushions and answered: “Cool, cool, cool. So, that’s like an unspoken thing now, I guess. Like you know I know that I know how I feel and how you apparently feel about me. We’ll leave it at that. Right?”

“As you wish,” Roman answered with a smirk and Virgil rolled his eyes.

“But uhm, you don’t know that I… I’m sorry for how things used to be between you and me. All the ill will and the things I put you through.”

Roman opened his mouth and Virgil held his hand up to stop him. He tried to calm him a little with a smile and it at least led to Roman remaining quiet for a little longer.

“I know that’s over,” Virgil continued then and felt something shift, “and we’re both different now, but I needed to acknowledge it. To admit that I have been bad and mean and maybe even evil to some extent, because I let my misery and pain out on you all. I want you to know that I feel bad about it and… I wanted to properly ask you, if you want to move forward with me and leave that in the past. To, uhm, start into a future where we know what we did, we won’t ignore it, but we won’t let it rule us, and stuff. Is – is that okay with you?”

Roman looked at him with his big brown eyes. They were rich with colour and meaning and Virgil felt his chest grow warmer.

Roman nodded.

“Yeah,” he said with an airy smile. “That’d be nice.”

Virgil had to concentrate on how to breath. His head felt fogged and he snickered as Roman did so too.

“Since your room makes all of us anxious…” it came after a while from Roman.

“Yeah?”

They looked at each other, Virgil’s chest feeling tighter and Roman’s voice sounding further away than ever.

“What does my room do to you? It’s not like anybody had ever stayed here long enough to tell me.”

Virgil stared at Roman. His heart was beating fast but not from fear. There was a heat. There was purpose and … courage.

Virgil pulled his legs up on the couch under himself and adjusted himself to face Roman. With his right he clutched the bottom part of his shirt nervous about what he was going to do, but determined to do so nevertheless. Shaky he lifted his left hand next and let it hover over Roman’s right shoulder. Roman turned towards him, moved a little closer to him, looking enraptured into Virgil’s differently coloured eyes.

Virgil gulped and let his hand fall on Roman’s shoulder. He looked and waited for Roman to stop him, to say anything. He didn’t.

And so, Virgil said instead: “I. I feel a little stupider. And bolder. And – And the voices in the back of my mind, which tell me I cannot kiss you are really quiet.”

Roman’s eyes were endlessly soft. He moved closer, smiled, put his left hand on Virgil’s cheek.

“Quiet enough for you to ignore them?”

A laughing breath escaped Virgil’s lips and there was short second, where he nodded before he finally moved forward, closed the gap in between them and kissed him.

The touch was light as a feather. But there was the warmth of a pile of blankets and hot cocoa within it. Both felt the other and themself smile against their lips. Slowly, they become soft in their touch and Roman started leaning backwards, as Virgil’s weigh softly pushed him down.

And then as Roman leaned against the back lean of his divan they parted and opened their eyes. Virgil’s blush was obvious to spot and he felt Roman’s cheeks radiate with warmth as Roman beamed at him in delightful delirium.

And they just gazed at the other, Roman laying on the couch, Virgil hunched over him. And then at once, they began to giggle. With his right hand Roman covered his mouth, while Virgil placed his right over Roman’s left still residing on his cheek.

“I feel so silly,” Virgil murmured.

In response Roman pulled Virgil closer, so their foreheads touched and said just as quietly: “Welcome to my world.”

Again, both giggled and Virgil pulled a little back to put less pressure on Roman and give him the possibility to sit up if he wanted.

“Are you telling me that you admit that romance is silly?” Virgil asked as Roman sat up keeping Virgil as close as he could.

“It’s hard to deny that romantic acts are inherently and utterly silly, when you’re also the embodiment of pride and want to keep up a reputation. Which is surprisingly difficult when you feel like you’re getting lost in your eyes... The purple is so astoundingly pretty.”

Roman let his thumb linger over Virgil’s cheek and at once there was the steady, vibrating sound from Virgil’s purring. Roman pressed his lips together to keep himself from laughing but broke the second Virgil started to snicker.

“If I were to scratch you behind the ears would you purr louder?” Roman asked with a glint of mischief and curiosity in his eyes.

Virgil wanted to protest, to deny but stopped and offered instead with a smirk: “I’ll let you find out, if I get to kiss you again.”

“Oh, please do.”

And they kissed again. Virgil felt Roman smile against his lips, Roman’s fingertips brushing over his cheek and neck. The warmth radiating, pulsating inside him, knowing it was part of Roman’s powers that were weakly, so very weakly activated and created this sensation of such a particular warmth he had learnt to recognize as Roman’s.

A pause. Virgil opened his eyes and grinned at the Prince, feeling how he let his left drift further to the back of his face behind his ear. And then he scratched him as if he was a cat and Virgil purred a little louder than before. He melted against the touch and let Roman continue with no complain.

And so Roman scratched him for a few minutes, letting Virgil rest his head on Roman’s shoulder and cherish the warmth radiating from Roman’s body. It felt like heaven.

“You’re like sunlight.”

Roman stopped to scratch him and Virgil made the offended cat chirp noise as he did so. Unpleased he sat up and looked at Roman to find him staring at him in disbelief.

“What is it? What did I do?” Virgil asked in arising panic, only to be pulled into a hug right after.

Virgil froze and then started to draw circles on Roman’s back. He felt him shaking, trembling in his arms and steadied his grip. Pressed Roman a little closer, gave him a little more contact to feel that Virgil was there. That he was not going away. And then he began to purr again.

And as it was, he realized that the compliment, the comparison to the sun, maybe had caused his Prince to come to terms with the fact that he was right. That Virgil loved him and really felt like Roman was the light in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Again with another chapter. And now they kissed😏
> 
>   
> I posted that one on my tumblr, which you can find [here](https://nadiestar.tumblr.com/post/628443613714612224/prinxiety-an-upcoming-scene-from-my-fic-d-as-in)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it🤗
> 
> Now, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️💜❤️💜❤️


	6. Daffodil

They were cuddling and holding each other for a little longer. Virgil almost nodded off in Roman’s arms, as the prince suddenly facepalmed and began to babble and apologize that he had to go into the imagination.

“But breakfast?” Virgil protested.

Sadly, Roman shot him a look and kissed his forehead.

“I was going to show up and say that I would be off to some royal business but now I’m already late. I’m sorry, love.”

Virgil wanted to pout but the resolve melted at the nickname and he just let Roman kiss him again for a goodbye and got up from the divan. He let his eyes linger on him as he walked towards the door, watching him snap himself into a far fancier outfit and finally left Roman’s room.

Two steps out he stopped and began to flap his hands and walk a few circles, before he eventually let himself lean against the wall and let himself slide down full of excitement and this dizzy feeling in his stomach.

He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Roman! He had made the first step in their relationship and it was so exciting! He didn’t remember when he had felt so excited the last time. It was just invigorating. He couldn’t remember when the last time had been when he had felt so excited.

“Virgil?”

Virgil jumped at the voice and at once stood back on his feet manically looking around who had spoken. And to his horror he saw Janus standing in front of him. Immediately his face flushed and the snake began to smirk amusedly.

“Virgil, what are you doing in front of Roman’s door, if you don’t mind me asking?” Janus said innocently.

A yelp escaped Virgil’s lips which made Janus chuckle a little. Flustered Virgil thought about what to say, about what not to say. They had not yet talked about the status of their relationship, just kissed, so what were they? Did Roman even want to come forth with what had happened? Or would he rather have it private?

“Did the movie night turn out to be more romantic than you thought it would be?” Janus asked further.

Finally, Virgil got a grip and said vaguely: “I – I don’t think I can tell you that yet. I need to, uh, talk to Roman first about what I am to tell you all and stuff.”

Janus raised an eyebrow. He did not seem to be convinced, which did not surprise Virgil when he considered the uncertain tone he had been using.

“And why don’t you talk with Roman about it right now?”

Oh, right. That was the other thing. He had almost forgotten.

“Princey is off to some royal duties, he said? He was pretty late already apparently, which is why I can’t ask him now. Yeah.”

Janus looked at him even more unbelieving but Virgil could not bring himself to care. Instead he turned away and walked towards the living room where breakfast was awaiting him.

Patton, Remus and Logan were already there. To his luck Remus made not comment concerning his pretty dishevelled look and Logan was still to sleepy to notice that he was. Patton greeted him and Janus with his usual enthusiasm and the breakfast continued as if everything was quite normal. No one questioned where Roman was, since Remus apparently had told them already that he was off to do some stuff in the imagination, which was what Roman had told Virgil as well.

Happily, Virgil finished his meal pretty quickly. He desperately needed to take a nap, as he had barely gotten any sleep last night and soon vanished into his room. Groggily he decided to change from his current pyjamas into other pyjamas and then let himself fall down on his bed. His body was heavy and tired but the crawling feeling of gushy warmth kept him smiling and awake for a bit. Long enough to hear a knock.

He sat up in his bed and said: “Who is it?”

The door was opened for a bit and Virgil saw Patton’s face peeking in.

“Am I disturbing you? Can I come in for a minute?” Patton asked carefully.

Virgil nodded and the fatherly side quickly came in and closed the door behind him. with quick steps he walked through the room and sat down on the other side of Virgil’s bed. Virgil felt anxious at once. Something was wrong. Patton usually did not act like this.

As Patton looked at him, he immediately found the panic spark in Virgil’s eyes and moved closer, reflexively wanting to hold his hand to calm him down. But he stopped himself and took a short breath.

“It’s okay, Virgil,” Patton now said instead. “I am not mad and nothing is wrong. I came because I wanted to talk with you about Roman.”

Virgil stiffened but felt somewhat calmer. At least he knew know about what to feel anxious.

“What is with Roman? Why do you want to talk about him with me?”

Patton let out a sigh and scratched the back of his neck. He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked back at Virgil with an oddly serious expression.

“I’d like to just say a few things without you interrupting me, would that be alright? You can say all you want afterwards, but please let me speak first,” Patton said slowly.

Virgil nodded and shifted a little as Patton began to speak.

“Okay, so. I know that you and Roman are having feelings for each other. And I’m assuming that something happened between the two of you tonight, if I was interpreting this lovey-dovey grin correctly this morning. And that is very good! It’s great! I am very happy for the two of you. I really, really am.”

Patton paused for a second and bit his lips before he continued.

“But I need to ask you to be gentle with him. He- he is very strong. He’s a lot smarter than we sometimes make him out to be, and he gets when people belittle or berate him. He’s willing to give anything for just a tiny bit of recognition and I need you to be aware of that. Which probably is an unnecessary thing to tell you, since you are Anxiety and all, but I have to say it. I don’t want him to sacrifice himself into a relationship and – I don’t know if I do him wrong by saying this – and I’m afraid he would do it. For all of us. Just for a simple ‘thank you’ or a ‘you did good’. I love Roman. I love him dearly and I want him to be better. To feel okay. I am trying to help him, to treat him right but I know what I have done. What I have done to him with my expectations. And what you did to him in blind panic. I am not blind to what you did and I am not naïve. I did not forget. I forgave you.”

Virgil was almost shivering. This was ten thousand times scarier than any shit Janus or Remus had ever pulled. This was straight up horrifying.

“And I know you’ve changed. You are good. And you want his best. You love him after all. You saved him already once and I know he needs that. To have somebody he can trust and turn to. Someone he knows will try and save him if they can. So, please do not let him down. Don’t hurt him. Be gentle and listen to the things he doesn’t say. They tend to be more important than the things he does say.”

Virgil just stared at Patton. Let the words slowly sink in. Let himself realize how worried Patton was over Roman. How much he loved him. How much he cared. And what kind of talk he had just received.

“You-” Virgil stuttered suddenly feeling a grin fighting its way on his lips, “You just had the don’t-hurt-my-child conversation with me. Like with the new boyfriend of your son. With me.”

Patton’s face flushed and Virgil saw how he dug his fingers into the fabric of his bedsheets. He opened his mouth to say something, anything really but Virgil watched as he failed. With a frown Virgil leaned forwards and tapped Patton on the arm. Gave him a tiny smile.

“It’s fine! I get it. I’ve done shitty stuff and you saw that. It’s good. I wanted you to stop infantilizing me, so it’s nice to see you take me seriously. And care so much for Ro. I’m sure he’d protest to all of what you just said but-” Virgil paused and put his hands in his laps with a shrug – “he deserves to be saved too. To be a damsel worth saving. And I’ll make sure to look after him. Don’t worry.”

Patton nodded and after a moment stretched out his arm. Virgil let out an amused huff and gave into the hug invitation. Patton’s hugs were refreshing. They smelled like home and left one with the feeling of comfort. Virgil liked them quite a bit. With a last pat on Virgil’s back Patton the broke off and bid his goodbye. Told him to take a nap and take it easy for the day.

“Oh, and Virgil,” Patton said when he had the door handle in his hands, “I am very proud of you. I’m sure you two will be happy.”

Virgil just grinned a little sheepishly and watched the dad leave. Then he buried himself in his bedsheets and took his well-deserved nap.

* * *

Evening came and Roman was still not back for dinner. Remus had reassured them all that he was fine, but was held up in unscheduled a meeting. He would be back today, even if it would be late. With that all had been calmed for the moment.

Well, almost all. Virgil wanted to see Roman. They needed to clear things up and just- Well, just see him. He just wanted to see him. What a sap he had become within such a short amount of time.

Around ten PM, he was sitting in the living room watching a documentary with Logan, while Remus was playing cards with Janus as he suddenly had a weird feeling. He became antsy for no reason and looked around the room until his eyes fell on Remus. He staring down the hallway but looked back to him when he felt the eyes on him. And there was a quick moment in which they looked at each other, a conversation was had with no words and Virgil got up and bid Logan and the two other sides at the table good night and went straight to Roman’s room.

He heard something rustling inside and immediately knocked.

“Yes?”, was the muffled answer.

Something in Virgil eased away. Roman did not sound odd or hurt or disturbed in any way. Relieved he let his held breath out and said: “It’s me. Can I come in?”

A little shuffling and Virgil stepped away from the door as it was opened Roman’s face looking at him through the crack. He flashed a shy grin at him and let Roman open the door a little further before he went inside and turned towards Roman who closed the door behind them.

At first, he noticed that Roman is wearing his usual attire again, not the fancy one from this morning. Then he saw the cut on Roman’s left side just under his ribs. And the red which was tinting the white fabric.

For a second there was just a white noise in Virgil’s head. Then rationalisation. Roman was not shaking. His breath was a little quicker but not by much. Not much sweat either. Virgil made a step to the side. He looked at the cut. Not all the white around it was stained red. It didn’t seem to stain anymore. The cut could not be so deep then.

“Take your shirt off,” Virgil simply said while pulling the sleeves of his hoodie back and walking towards Roman.

Roman stammered, confused by the tone shift and the sternness of Virgil’s look: “I’m sorry! I – I really didn’t- I wasn’t in danger! This happened on my way back and-”

“Roman. Shirt off. Then sit down. I’m gonna heal it.”

And Roman took his shirt off. Virgil guided him to sit down on a char at his dining table and looked again how deep it was. To his relief it truly didn’t seem to be such a big deal, the cut was clean, exactly under the ribs and not too deep. He would have an easy time to fix that.

“Okay,” Virgil said and gave Roman a short look before he let his hand get closer to Roman’s wound but not touch it yet, “I’m gonna heal it now if that’s okay?”

Roman eyed him warily.

“Do you not want me to heal it?”

“No, I mean yes I want you to, uhm, is- is your hand gonna be cold?”

Well, that surely threw Virgil off his rhythm. Perplexed he stared at him for a second before answering: “No, it- it won’t. I’m not Pat. My hands don’t get cold when I heal. It might tickle though, sorry for that.”

Roman nodded but still looked rather tense. Virgil forced himself to smile gave him a light squeeze on the upper arm.

“It’s fine. It’s okay. I’m not mad and it’s not so bad as I first feared. I just get very quick when something like this happens. All good now? Can I start?”

There was the sign of a tiny smile and Virgil repositioned his hand again to hover over Roman’s wound. Virgil concentrated and felt as if air was gathering around his fingertips, as a faint purple light started to engulf his hand. Carefully, he let his fingers roam over Roman’s skin. He saw a few muscles flinch at the touch, he must be ticklish there, but he did not have to let his hand linger for too long. The cut closed itself quickly and Virgil took his hand away just as fast.

He looked back up to Roman. His eyes were locked to him in awe. Faintly the Prince touched the place where the cut had been and then looked back to Virgil’s face. Back into his eyes.

His fascination caught Virgil a little off guard until he realized that his eyes probably had been glowing a little, just like Patton or Janus’s did when they were healing someone. The something that Roman could not have.

As the staring from Roman continued, Virgil slowly began to feel heat arise in his chest and a slight wave of embarrassment rush through him. It didn’t help that he saw Roman’s strong arms and his bare chest, the many, many faint scars and long healed bruises on it. It was quite odd that it made him so nervous, he was not a prude after all.

Yet before Virgil could ponder more Roman suddenly yelped and held his hands over his chest, promptly turning away from Virgil.

“What-” Virgil was about to ask, as he watched Roman’s form slowly change.

With a subtle tap from Roman a white bandeau now covered Roman’s chest. Virgil watched Roman’s figure change slightly, saw how the more feminine form of the back, heard the pitch change of Roman’s voice, as another soft gasped escaped Roman’s lips.

Roman looked back over her shoulder with a slightly embarrassed look and Virgil raised an eyebrow with a sigh.

“It’s she/her now?”

“Yes. I apologize for, uh, the sudden - the sudden change,” Roman said timidly.

Virgil let out a chuckle and shook his head. Cautiously, he stepped closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into the touch Virgil gave her a short peck on her shoulder.

A mockingly scandalized Roman looked down at him and he said with a smirk: “That’s for apologizing for something you never need to apologize for. You’re just being you. No need to apologize for gender happening to you. It’s not like you or anybody could control it.”

Roman’s eyes grew soft and before Virgil knew it, he was pulled into a firm hug. Roman was quick to show her affection and Virgil still had to adjust to the tempo. To the warmth and so obvious display of care and adoration. It was nice, he mused as he felt her leaning against his chest, burring her face in the fabric of his hoodie.

Eventually, walked over to the couch, Roman snapping herself a long comfortable sleeping shirt on and found themselves huddled against each other again.

It was then, when Virgil remembered with which intent he had initially come to Roman’s room.

“Ro? Can we talk maybe about us? What we are now and what we tell the others?” he asked carefully as Roman sat up in a more upright position.

She met his eyes only shortly before she cleared her throat nervously and said: “Yes, I think we should. But before, I, I need to confess something, which might change your mind about wanting to be with me. Which is fine. I forgot to tell you earlier. Just- Just don’t laugh please?”

“Of course not! I won’t. What is it?” Virgil asked with a frown.

Roman took a deep breath. She really hoped this was not a dealbreaker but somehow, she felt like it would be.

“I – I’m. I am not interested in a sexual relationship. With anybody, not specifically just you. I’m – I’m ace. And I’m an ace who doesn’t want sex. Not at all. It’s – It’s fine if other people want it, or if you want it, of course! Just. Just not me though. I don’t want it and it makes me feel weird thinking about it. If you thought you would have that with me, or wanted to have that with me, I’m sorry for leading you on. I didn’t mean to do that.”

Helplessly, Roman pressed her eyes together. She was sure that was it. Virgil could only have so much compassion for her and that would certainly be it.

But then she was met with a confused voice: “So, you don’t like people in a sexual way? All people not just not me, if I got that right?”

Roman did not react.

“Hey.”

Virgil’s voice was so gentle. She did not want to lose him.

“Hey, Ro. It’s alright. Look at me. Come on. Look at me.”

He put his hand ever so softly under her chin and made her gingerly look over to him.

“It’s okay. You did not lead me on. It’s okay. There wasn’t a moment for that yesterday.”

“Today,” Roman corrected weakly.

“Today,” Virgil repeated with an eye roll. “It’s alright with me. I don’t need to sleep with you to be happy with this. Whatever it is. Even though I would like to have a name for the relationship because then I’d know how to call it when the others were to ask and-”

“Boyfriend and girlfriend. Right now, at least. Because right now I’m a woman.”

“So, I’m cuddling with my girlfriend right now?” Virgil asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

Roman’s heart beat fast and she pulled him a little closer, closed a little distance between their faces.

“Yes~ And if he lets me, I’m going to kiss my boyfriend now~” Roman said in a singsong voice.

Virgil simply giggled and closed his eyes. And then Roman kissed him happily.

* * *

Whistling rang through the kitchen. Roman had had a relaxing night after Virgil and she talked a little more (and kissed a little more) and was absolutely at ease when the other side had left to go to bed. Which was why she now stood in the kitchen before all the others where here and made pancakes. She needed to share her happiness with her fellow companions and was contently preparing the dough for the breakfast, when she heard the shuffling steps of a certain side.

With a twirl Roman turned around and saw her groggily smiling emo approach.

“Good morning my Dark Prince!” Roman greeted and put her ladle down on the counter.

Virgil grinned at the nickname and shuffled closer while lifting his chin and holding something behind his back.

Before Roman could ask what it was, Virgil said with a raspy voice: “G’moring Daffodil.”

Roman frowned. Daffodil?

“I’m not yellow. That’s Janus’s schtick!”

Virgil laughed and took Roman’s hand with his free one.

“They’re also spring flowers. The early ones. The pioneers. Hope and stuff. Like you. My Daffodil.”

Roman couldn’t say anything to this. Usually, she was the one who made such comparisons. Who was the romantic. Not the other way round. Not that she was complaining. This was very cute.

Yet before she could tell that Virgil, and possibly make him blush a little, the side had pulled out something from behind his back and handed it to her. Roman stared down and saw a black notebook in Virgil’s hand. A dried daffodil was glued on its cover.

“Is that for me?” Roman asked already feeling far too emotional so early in the morning.

“Of course, it is, you doofus.”

Roman wanted to take offence for a moment, when Virgil promptly flipped the book open and showed him the interior page of the book cover. On brown paper there were many tiny patterns drawn. Crowns, hearts, shields, feathers, music notes and more. In the colour of the ace flag. Black, grey, white and purple.

Moved to tears Roman looked to Virgil, who gave her a sheepish smile and a little shrug.

“Apparently, purple’s your colour too.”

Roman laughed and carefully took the book in her hands. It was empty and she would be able to fill it with all the memories she desired. And they would be safe behind the pages Virgil had so carefully doodled on for her.

She pressed the book against her chest and told Virgil with a wavery voice: “Thank you so much. It’s perfect. I don’t know how I ever can show you my gratitude for this.”

Virgil chuckled a little and yawned.

“You don’t have to but I’m not against you being my pillow. You’re really warm.”

Roman blinked but then grinned amused.

“While that is true, I am making breakfast as of now and can not act as your pillow. But we can cuddle later.”

“But I’m tired now!” Virgil whined before he suddenly shot up a little and started to slip out of his hoodie. “I’ve got an idea. Put that on.”

Quick Virgil threw his hoodie over to her, while hoisting himself on the kitchen counter. Confused Roman put the hoodie on and watched Virgil grin a little at her expression before he said: “Please don’t move for a sec.”

Roman couldn’t answer before suddenly her boyfriend morphed into a black cat and gallantly sat on the counter. Amazed she stared at him, as he let out the little “mwrr” noise and the jumped onto her shoulder, lovingly brushing against her face with his head. Smitten with his adorableness, Roman cooed at Cat Virgil and scratched him behind the ears until, the slowly moved behind her neck and she felt him nestling himself inside of his hoodies hood.

With a soft and content purr coming from behind her neck, Roman turned back to kitchen counter and continued to make the meal for the others, gently humming the melody of “Everybody Wants To Be A Cat”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished it! yay!
> 
> Also, I just wanna say I am very happy to have somehow predicted that Virgil would become brave in the latest Asides during this fic. Just so you know. That makes me very happy.
> 
> Now, thank you for your patience, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️💜


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